It's always the little things

I recently heard Erik Thoennes - a great preacher, teacher, and theologian - mention something very appropriate in a sermon. He mentioned it in passing, really - the sermon was about something else. He reminded us of Paul's words from Philippians 2:14-16:

“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life - in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.” (NIV)

“Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.” (ESV)

The real emphasis I want to highlight here is verse 14: “Do everything without complaining or arguing”. The ESV says “grumbling or questioning”, and the NASB says “grumbling or disputing”. No matter how it's worded, we get the point, don't we?

During his sermon, Thoennes stopped to talk about complaining, which is what inspired me to write about it - even now, weeks after hearing the sermon. It was such a good thought, that it has stayed in my mind until now.

Why do we complain so much?

What does complaining accomplish?

Isn't it easy to complain? Think about how ready we are to complain. It is one of the easiest ways we have to get out our frustration and dissatisfaction with life and its direct effect on us.

But Thoennes had a thoughtful statement. I don't remember the wording now, but the idea was: Imagine what life would be like if we never complained. Imagine what a huge step that would be in living a righteous life. Imagine how a person like this would stand out, amidst a culture of epidemic complaining.

He went on to say that small things like this are what glorify God - doing the little things well, being faithful with the little he's given us. Thoennes says:

“Most of the time, glorifying God looks really normal. We glorify God when we refuse to gossip. We glorify God when we love our wife as Christ loves the church, even though she doesn't always make that easy. We glorify God by being men and women of integrity and doing what we say we will do. We glorify God by being patient with one another, bearing one another's burdens, and serving self-sacrificially when we want to be self-focused; by pursuing holy lives and dying to self and forsaking at times our image or our reputation; to suffer in light of the calling God has for us, with hope and with confidence in God. That's glorifying him - when you have gut-wrenching anguish in your life, and you refuse to curse God's name, refuse to just live in the disappointment, and you're willing to move beyond it and say, “I trust you, Lord, because you're good, and I know you're good, and I don't feel that right now, but I know it's true.”

I remember reading in my textbook for Intro to Psychology in college something to the effect of: It isn't the really big problems in life that push us over the edge and stress us out the most - it's the little things, like the broken shoelace with no time left.

There is a lot of truth there. Think about how many little things we gripe about. That's what I think of when I imagine complaining - griping. It isn't constructive or useful or beneficial for anyone. It's simply stating how dissatisfied we are with the realities of a fallen world.

What contradicts complaining? Isn't it contentedness? Do you find it difficult to be content? I know I do. Contentedness is a huge challenge in much of the world today, and strikingly so in American culture. If we allow ourselves to observe or listen to the many voices speaking to us (TV, music, movies, books) they will convince us that we are not content. We're somehow always being shorted, being stifled by “The Man”, missing out on something great.

Paul's words have been a great challenge to me:

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” - Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV)

This is a passage that I have memorized and meditated on over and over. You will notice that if you try speaking scripture out loud, you must decide how to place emphasis in the reading. On the concluding sentence in this little passage, I have come to place the emphasis on “him”, rather than “everything”, which I have heard a few times from other readers. I don't think Paul's goal is to emphasize how much he can do, but rather, who it is that enables him to do everything he does - Jesus. He is saying that Jesus provides the power for contentedness in every situation on life's spectrum.

For added encouragement, I'll give you a couple more bits of scripture:

“The fear of the Lord leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.” - Proverbs 19:23

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?' “ - Hebrews 13:5-6

What can we do to gain contentedness? Surely we desire this as followers of Christ. I think a good way to gain contentedness is by gaining humility. But how do we gain humility? That's a tricky question as well. I think one way that God has provided for us to gain humility which leads to contentedness is through several spiritual disciplines. Again, I must direct you to the writings of Dallas Willard, Richard Foster, and Klaus Issler who have discussed this topic thoroughly. I always recommend first reading Willard's Spirit of the Disciplines, as this book gives theory and history behind the practice of spiritual disciplines. From there, Foster and Issler provide more insights and practical applications.

A few examples that come to mind are the disciplines of fasting, secrecy, and silence.

In fasting, we confront our dependence on food, physical sustenance. Even beyond our body's needed nourishment, I think we also deal with the issue of comfort and security which we gain from food, emotionally and mentally. In fasting, we allow ourselves into this weakened condition so that we can draw life from the true source - God himself. The act of fasting itself does nothing. It is God who does the work through the practice of fasting.

In secrecy, we keep the good things we do out of the sight and knowledge of others, allowing God alone to acknowledge us. Rather than performing good works for others to see, we do them privately, secretly. Rather than reporting to others (no matter how subtly) the good we've done, we let God alone observe it. Rather than receiving our glory from man, we receive it from God. This helps us learn to give up our need for man's approval and praise.

In silence, we allow ourselves to escape the clatter and noise of the world. As much as we might claim to dislike the noise of the world - we might find that it is actually comforting. Noise allows our minds to stay comfortably distracted, ignoring the realities we don't want to face in ourselves. The inseparable sibling to silence is the discipline of solitude. When we are alone, in the quiet, with only God to see and hear us, we open ourselves to scrutiny and observation. Not only by God, but also by ourselves. We must now deal with the self, confronting the ugly “us” that we have been hiding behind the busy-ness of life. Here, we are spiritually naked before God, ready for him to show us what he will. No friends, family, or tools can help us here. We become aware of who we are. This experience can be, and should be, very humbling.

Gaining humility is only one benefit of these disciplines. All of them have ways of drawing us into Christlikeness and maturing us in the spiritual life.

Having thought about these things, our goal should now be to live consciously aware of the words we speak, and the heart with which we speak them. The heart is the issue. If we find ourselves complaining, we need to examine our hearts and wonder, “Where did that come from? Who am I, that I complain like this? What condition is my heart in?” If we can curb our complaining habits, I think we will start to see good kinds of fruit, and we will be a blessing and encouragement to those around us. I am far from mastering this. We must remember that it is the little things that will catch us off guard. We must be sensitive to the Holy Spirit in us, guiding and cautioning us. Let us work at it, always in the power of Christ alone.

NOTE: When I say "complain", I am talking about a type of communication that comes from a heart that is not rightly content and properly humble. This is different than sharing valid feelings. I never think we should hold back clear communication about facts and real life concerns. The difference between stating a genuine concern and complaining is really a matter of the motives and intentions of our hearts. And, I also encourage you to remember that it is often the difference between the little things and the bigger things that actually do need to be talked about. Body language and tone are also a clear indicator of our intentions. For instance, there is an obvious difference between, "I don't wanna do the dishes!!" and "I really wish this migraine would stop hurting..." Hopefully you see the difference, as it is an important one. Communication is of the utmost importance, so don't keep yourself from clearly expressing your feelings and discussing your thoughts.